phil d
Well-known member
I picked up a hitchiker as i drove along the road, he sat quietly for about 10 minutes then asked, "aren't you worried about me being a psychopath?" "not really" I replied, "what are the odds on two of them being in the same car"
I,ve just had a message from one of those adult websites, "bored housewife 32 is available today" so I've sent her my washing, that'll keep her busy for a few hours.
My mates getting married and his wife has picked a white wedding dress, I asked how come women always wear white, "because domestic appliances are always white" he replied.
Knock knock, who's there? Grandad, quick stop the cremation.
I was in starbucks and there was a guy sat opposite me, no laptop, no tablet, no I phone, just a cup of coffee, obviously a weirdo.
Paddy ran into the pub, "quick mate, someones just stole your car" he yelled, "did you get a description?" I asked, " no" replied Paddy, "but I got the reg number"
It's been snowing all night, so....
8:00 I made a snowman
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman
8:15 So, I made a snow woman
8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere
8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead
8:22 The transgender man..woman..person asked why I didn't make one snow person with detachable parts
8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple are white
8:31 the Muslim gent across the road demands that the snow woman wears a burqa
8:40 The police arrive saying someone has been offended
8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that snow woman's broomstick needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role
8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up, I am asked if I knew the difference between a snowman and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and I am called a sexist
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices...my children are arrested.
Due to a predicted cold snap, mothers in Liverpool are being advised to wear 2 pairs of pyjamas when dropping their kids off at school.
I,ve just had a message from one of those adult websites, "bored housewife 32 is available today" so I've sent her my washing, that'll keep her busy for a few hours.
My mates getting married and his wife has picked a white wedding dress, I asked how come women always wear white, "because domestic appliances are always white" he replied.
Knock knock, who's there? Grandad, quick stop the cremation.
I was in starbucks and there was a guy sat opposite me, no laptop, no tablet, no I phone, just a cup of coffee, obviously a weirdo.
Paddy ran into the pub, "quick mate, someones just stole your car" he yelled, "did you get a description?" I asked, " no" replied Paddy, "but I got the reg number"
It's been snowing all night, so....
8:00 I made a snowman
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman
8:15 So, I made a snow woman
8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere
8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead
8:22 The transgender man..woman..person asked why I didn't make one snow person with detachable parts
8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple are white
8:31 the Muslim gent across the road demands that the snow woman wears a burqa
8:40 The police arrive saying someone has been offended
8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that snow woman's broomstick needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role
8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up, I am asked if I knew the difference between a snowman and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and I am called a sexist
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices...my children are arrested.
Due to a predicted cold snap, mothers in Liverpool are being advised to wear 2 pairs of pyjamas when dropping their kids off at school.
