Well I give up!

A while ago while seeing my psychiatric people I explained how I was getting fed up getting knockbacks while trying to get back into full time employment due to the stigma attached to people having MH problems! The best advice I got? "can't you get a load of cash work from somewhere"!

Today I attempted to apply for another job, totally away from sparking, but one for which I am more than qualified, and experienced!

All applications to be made online, then I find out how they do the shortlist, and I've not got a cat in hells chance! They go through the online application and if they don't like an answer on page 1, they bin you, if they like page one, then on to page 2, and so on. finally, on the last page there's a section asking you to detail why you are a suitable applicant for the job, there's no way I'm going to get past page 2! I give up, I really fecking do!

Phil, I don't wish to be nosey but are you past your MH issues or are they still on going? 

Having experienced MH issues myself in the past, I have come to realise that whilst we experience depression, anxiety, negativity, they are all just that, an experience brought about by the way we think, the way we perceive, or by circumstances that happen to us. Truth is they can happen to anyone and everyone, the question is why do some people handle it better than others?

I had had bouts of depression, anxiety, insecurities for years then around about 1998 my world started to collapse around me and this went on intensely for 10+ years and has continued on a lesser extent for a further 10 years, I went through my darkest days in that period, serious depression, suicidal thoughts, serious anger issues, I became unable to communicate with people without offending them or wanting to attack them. The specialists -used loosely- started me on the usual anti depressants, which were fine but then my anger issues got worse, I was then offered MH team sessions, which wasted my time with their 6 week sessions of which there were many over the years, however trying to get any more than six weeks in one continuous stream is like you're asking to have the crown jewels! I eventually paid for private therapy sessions and it was here that things became clearer and the fog cleared - and I only went for a dozen sessions.

It became apparent that my perspective was from a negative position, which I thought was normal given what I was experiencing, however when I started to look at my issues from a different perspective then I began to turn a corner. I have learned that it is the way I think about things that brings about the negative things. example - if you have one thing go wrong for you whether its a relationship, work, family, etc then we negative people tend to start to subconsciously focus on other negative things around us, which then makes us feel worse, we then spiral downwards. So now I look at each event and break it down into reality, taking it for what it is - just one experience. It takes time but now I can control my emotions/feelings and realise that I will still be here tomorrow despite what is happening today, this way I don't get bogged down in the circumstance, admittingly some days are better than others but they are all better than they were. I tend to over analyse every circumstance to the point where I'd convince myself that it is really bad, instead of looking at it for what it is. Have you ever noticed that we can be very good at giving others advice yet fail dismally when given advice, this is because we think differently when giving as opposed to when being on the receiving end, so the secret is to visualise yourself as the giving of advice when you start thinking of your own circumstances. I'm not saying that bad things don't happen to us, but it is the way we perceive/think that determines how it will affect us.

Sorry to hear this  from you two  guys .  I can only  say I hope you are coming out of it , slowly but surely .  Not sure what MH is TBH . 

I had a work mate with similar ,  or perhaps its not similar ,  you'd know better than I .      He,s gone now , like most of my good friends  , but he'd even react to me borrowing his pencil , dropping it ..." Thats It!!! Thats the lead gone , broken into bits when I sharpen it !!!"      

If we went to a job & something , even minor went wrong , it was like everyone was against him , plotting to upset his day .  

I knew how he was but probably said the wrong things  which would usually be .."Take no notice Pete  , we could have been sent to fight in the trenches  like our Grandfathers , or  sailing in a warship  guarding the merchant fleet supplying Russia with tanks etc  , like our fathers .    As it is  , we came to do a days work but all the floors had been screeded  and we can't walk on it .   Lets go home . "     

I'm almost over it, there's things I will never get over, or so I've been told, at the moment I need to be active, I also need to earn some decent coin, I'm sick of bitting and batting while my wife works 40 hours a week. It's just starting to grate a little at the moment, all this help for bagheads who brought it on themselves, yet those of us who did nothing to cause our situation get no help, when I needed tablets they refused to give me the ones that work, because, 'drug addicts abuse them' , even though because I self medicated I was making a months supply last 3 months. The only ones they were prepared to give me don't work, last time I had them I had 2 suicide attempts! However they were adamant that after around 6 to 8 weeks I'd get used to them, believe me, in 6 to 8 weeks I'd have topped myself.

I have never felt so low as I feel right now, I've thought more about ending it all over the last month or so than ever, if I can't earn a decent living then what's the point, I'm used to putting the bread on the table, but it's not happening these days, still what's the point, I can't and don't want to go back into sparking full time, I've had enough of that and the only other 2 things I'm good at seem closed too. I have no intention of working in a supermarket, I don't have the personality for all that mind numbing garbage, still it's my problem and I have to deal with it as best I can. I know one thing for certain, I need a proper job, full time 40 hours a week, without that I'm screwed, how can a bloke have self respect if he can't support his family? Honestly I can seriously understand how some people turn to crime, because I honestly believe that if I could get hold of a shotgun right now then I'd be making a few large withdrawals from one or two of our local banks. 

Evans Electric said:

Sorry to hear this  from you two  guys .  I can only  say I hope you are coming out of it , slowly but surely .  Not sure what MH is TBH . 

I had a work mate with similar ,  or perhaps its not similar ,  you'd know better than I .      He,s gone now , like most of my good friends  , but he'd even react to me borrowing his pencil , dropping it ..." Thats It!!! Thats the lead gone , broken into bits when I sharpen it !!!"      

If we went to a job & something , even minor went wrong , it was like everyone was against him , plotting to upset his day .  

I knew how he was but probably said the wrong things  which would usually be .."Take no notice Pete  , we could have been sent to fight in the trenches  like our Grandfathers , or  sailing in a warship  guarding the merchant fleet supplying Russia with tanks etc  , like our fathers .    As it is  , we came to do a days work but all the floors had been screeded  and we can't walk on it .   Lets go home . "     

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Cheers mate, MH means mental health problems, your mate sounds a little like me, only probably not as bad, I used to fight for fun if I was pushed and to hell with the consequences. I've been fired from a few firms, and blacklisted from others, all for the same thing, it wasn't that I didn't know my job, far from it, but if I thought you were taking the mick then I'd drop you. I lost it one night in a pub with this guy, about 6foot6 and 15 stone, at the time I was about 91/2 stone and 5 foot 10, anyway this guy upset me and I gave him 2 options, come outside and fight me, or leave, he left. which was just as well because I knew I'd have ripped him to shreds. A boss argued with me over safe working practice, I said 30 foot up off a ladder wasn't safe, he said it was. it was settled when I launched him through a glass door.

I've calmed down a lot but still get frustrated, that's how I am now, I've been rejected for a couple of jobs, both of which I'm more than competent to do, all because I don't meet the interview criteria. 

phil d said:

I have never felt so low as I feel right now, I've thought more about ending it all over the last month or so than ever,

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Phil , this scares me  .    I have 1st hand knowledge of the devastation this brings to  those left behind  .   

I awoke one morning  two years ago to see the road full of emergency vehicles at my neighbour's house  then the Coroner's black van arrived  , neighbour stood out front  in a trance .  

 I had to go out to him ,  his wife went to wake up the younger son  , to find him dead  , I won't go into it ,   self inflicted . About 22 I think .   

She is now like a ghost of her former self ,   spoke to her the other day , just gibbering TBH ,, my mate just going through the motions each day ,  other son on another planet , dazed & blank . .  

Also our friend's son aged 16  , I won't go into it  ,  but family in a similar state .

What I'm saying is ..think of those you leave behind .    Neighbour's family won't last the course  I don't think .    I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here  and should be minding my own business  ...take care  .  I'm back later . 

Phil you have to believe in your own abilities, if you know that you are more than capable at the job don't give them anything to think otherwise, if they find out later then they've got two choices, realise their preconceptions about MH is wrong or fire you, if you've proved yourself then they'll over look any MH as you are considered an asset rather than liability. I often find that we tell too much when it is often said less is more, its all part of the way we have been programmed by society to justify everything we have done, do and going to do, I say do it and then let them judge. always remember there is only one of you but thousands of employers and we all know that there's very few diamonds in this world so a good employer takes some seeking out!

one other thing regarding MH issues, is that I find it strange that we believe we can foresee the worst yet the reality is we see nothing but today for we don't know what the future is, worrying is no more good to us than wishing but we all do both? you only have too look at the  people that win on the lottery, do you think they play because they see themselves winning or is it just pure luck and one day they are living hand to mouth and the next they can live like kings? 

Sharpend said:

Phil you have to believe in your own abilities, if you know that you are more than capable at the job don't give them anything to think otherwise, if they find out later then they've got two choices, realise their preconceptions about MH is wrong or fire you, if you've proved yourself then they'll over look any MH as you are considered an asset rather than liability. I often find that we tell too much when it is often said less is more, its all part of the way we have been programmed by society to justify everything we have done, do and going to do, I say do it and then let them judge. always remember there is only one of you but thousands of employers and we all know that there's very few diamonds in this world so a good employer takes some seeking out!

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That's the problem, nobody will speak to you these days. it's all online, they read the first few lines and just reject your application, it's wrong, if I could get to someone over a phone, or face to face, I'd crack it, but no. it has to be online. I can't be bothered making up a fictitious past to cover the period of mental illness, if I was going to do that then I'd reinvent myself as something more than a spark, but why should I lie? so much for all the carp about equality for people with MH problems

how much time are we talking phil?

whilst I agree we shouldn't have to make up fiction, we have to learn how to play the game, do you really think that they are really that interested in you to want to know all your background, they ask the questions to look to trip you up, don't keep walking into it, take a different path to get to where you want to be, afterall its not about them its about you and where you're going, they'll still be there when you've left for better things, now of course I wouldn't advise this to a someone starting out as they wouldn't have the experience that you hold and would be found out quickly so would be wasting their own time.

Sharpend said:

how much time are we talking phil?

whilst I agree we shouldn't have to make up fiction, we have to learn how to play the game, do you really think that they are really that interested in you to want to know all your background, they ask the questions to look to trip you up, don't keep walking into it, take a different path to get to where you want to be, afterall its not about them its about you and where you're going, they'll still be there when you've left for better things, now of course I wouldn't advise this to a someone starting out as they wouldn't have the experience that you hold and would be found out quickly so would be wasting their own time.

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Cheers mate, I think I'll disappear again, I understand where you are coming from but there are one or two pricks on here who annoy me, (a certain Geordie) so I think I'll ****** off again, take care mate.

you can always PM if you want a chat!

i hate geordies too

BEHAVE!

Sidewinder said:

BEHAVE!

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Yes teacher....

@phil d

Check out We are Band of Builders on facebook loads of support for Tradies with health problems no judgement just decent people.

Hi Phil,

I assume the drugs you mean are diazepam?? Funny how i have been taking them for about 14 years, and i am not addicted to them... They truly are a wonder drug and changed my life..

I have had a lot to do with the CMHT, and they have some staff that spent many years in a hospital, and who are great, and then the OT and social worker lot who THINK they know it all, but have no real world experience. Took me 10 years to find the decent ones..

As you say, they are quick enough to help the druggies, who, by the way, do not want help and still take drugs when they are in the hospital, never mind back out of it..

john..

I changed my view on MH when I went through a truely dark patch. Be a liar if I said I didn't think about ending things. I was under huge work pressure and out of my depth. Debated seeing the GP but managed to work through it. 

Sharpend said:

how much time are we talking phil?

whilst I agree we shouldn't have to make up fiction, we have to learn how to play the game, do you really think that they are really that interested in you to want to know all your background, they ask the questions to look to trip you up, don't keep walking into it, take a different path to get to where you want to be, afterall its not about them its about you and where you're going, they'll still be there when you've left for better things, now of course I wouldn't advise this to a someone starting out as they wouldn't have the experience that you hold and would be found out quickly so would be wasting their own time.

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phil d said:

Cheers mate, I think I'll disappear again, I understand where you are coming from but there are one or two pricks on here who annoy me, (a certain Geordie) so I think I'll ****** off again, take care mate.

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For god’s sake! Its taken me quite a while to get Phil back on line and now it’s all f****** up again!

Like Phil I have MH and physical problems, most of the time I’m full of drugs to keep me relatively stable. At times I’ve snapped on here and I regret it every time I do. But………..

Don’t push it.